Can you buy happiness ?

Can you buy happiness ?
You can’t become happy through external things like success or wealth. It’s only by looking inside yourself that you can find real joy

Happiness is thought as a momentary, fleeting feeling. The intensity and duration depend on circumstances outside their control.

Real, profound happiness is something more: it comes with having a healthy state of mind.

The way you think, live and perceive the world around you has a major impact on your mental well-being.

Seek happiness within yourself, not from the outside world.

You can’t buy happiness. In fact, external factors in general have a limited impact on happiness. Wealth and social status do have some effect on your happiness, but they only account for about 10 to 15 percent of it.

Happiness would be out of reach if it was purely an external phenomenon. After all, our desires know no limits; the amount of control we have over the world, in contrast, is very limited.
Consider love, for example. There’s no way to ensure that your lover will always love you back. So if your happiness depends on that, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment and heartbreak.
A person might get excited about buying a new car, for example, only to have that joy squashed when a newer model comes out. That’s what happens when you seek happiness in the outside, instead of focusing on your inner being.
When you have an interior life,” she wrote, “it certainly doesn’t matter what side of the prison fence you’re on.”
Happiness is not the same thing as pleasure.
Long-lasting happiness shouldn’t be confused with pleasure. A lot of people assume that fame or wealth would bring them all they desire, but such things offer only short-term satisfaction and won’t have much influence on your well-being.
Suffering is universal and unavoidable, but that our pain doesn’t actually stem from the suffering we experience. Rather, it stems from the unhappiness we create.
Free yourself from your own ego.
A person who clings to a specific self-image will do anything to make sure that that image is recognized and accepted.
Real confidence and inner peace can only be achieved through egolessness.
Detaching from your ego makes you less vulnerable and gives you inner strength, putting you on the path toward true, profound happiness
Thoughts and emotions can be your best friends – but they can also be your worst enemies.
Examine your negative thoughts and emotions so you can overcome them and achieve inner peace.
You can only understand your negative thoughts by thinking deeply about their roots. You’ll be able to deconstruct them and see that, at the core, they don’t have any substance.
Achieving long-lasting happiness is hard work. It requires overcoming your ego, reconciling yourself to negative emotions, reorienting your world view and re-examining the definition of concepts like “happiness” and “pleasure.” You can’t do those things overnight, but if you stay dedicated to the path, you can bring yourself to a high sense of sukha – an achievement much more fulfilling than any temporary pleasure you might get from wealth or fame.

Practice Gratitude
Love and accept yourself
Learn to let go
Live in the now
Embrace uncertainty
Proritize your health
Take time to play

Reference Happiness by Matthieu Ricard, blinkist.
http://blinki.st/fea8a39b1243?chapter=56b8a8cdd119f90007000014

What We Say Matters

The words we speak establish our relationships with others and ourselves.

Words can build trust and can express sincerity, appreciation and courtesy, but words can also sow the seeds of discord.
Sometimes, we choose words that hurt other people’s feelings,We might not intend to be mean, but it’s the manner in which we express ourselves that causes resentment. So how can we communicate honestly without hurting other people’s feelings?

You’ll also learn:
How to tell your housemate to clean dishes?
Why making requests can be like offering gifts; and
How you can best talk to yourself.

Speaking truthfully and without harming others increases the well-being of everyone involved.
Speaking has profound effects on our well-being and the world around us.
The way we speak reflects how we view ourselves, as well as our opinions of others.
The way we speak also affects the way our discussions unfold.

"You’re so messy, you don’t give a damn about the house!”"
Instead of calmly stating your feelings, instead of communicating clearly about the issue, you both end up angry and argumentative.

So, how can you approach such situations to maximize your well-being as well as that of the other person?
Using right speech, language that’s truthful but not harmful.

Nonviolent communication allows you to speak in an honest, nonjudgmental way.
The first two elements of nonviolent communication are observations and feelings.
An observation is simply a statement of facts, Feelings, on the other hand, are signals sent by your subconscious that tell you whether your needs are being met.
By combining observations with feelings, you can make a nonviolent statement of truth like, “when I see dishes on the kitchen counter, I feel frustrated".
The next step to nonviolent communication is to express needs and requests.
Needs are things like food, security or creative expression.
A request needs to be present and doable.
When you combine all of the above components, you can say something like, “when I see ........ I feel frustrated because my need for ........ isn’t met. Would you be willing to ...... .. within the next 30 minutes?”

The final thing in NVC is making genuine requests, never demands. This means being open to the possibility that your request will not be accepted.

Focusing on your needs and empathizing with others can help you overcome and avoid unpleasant feelings.
Judgment and anger can often prevent people from communicating truthfully without harming others.
Fear of judgment causes people to agree to things that don’t meet their needs.
Acting without meeting your needs will leave a negative residue.
Empathy can help you avoid angry feelings altogether.
Sharing our feelings and needs as a form of gift-giving.
We can use empathy to improve communication  while defending their need for respect and autonomy.

By honestly expressing our feelings and needs while remaining open and avoiding doing harm to others, we can speak the truth without hurting ourselves or others.  

Adapted from What We Say Matters by Judith Hanson Lasater, Ike K. Lasater on Blinkist.

http://blinki.st/fea8a39b1243?chapter=58b4068fafd1210004c15f72

Change your mind & Change your life

At any given time, what we feel is the result of the brain and mind interacting with each other.
Our minds are our mental processes – our thoughts, wishes and feelings.the brain is a highly complex bundle of synapses. Our consciousness is based on the interaction of the mind and the brain.

The purpose of this blog is:
-Be happier
-Stop exacerbating misfortunes
-Become a more compassionate and loving person.

By engaging in self-reflection we can lead happier, more fulfilling lives.
A good example of self-reflection is thinking about what makes us happy?Focus always on the positive.
By actively reflecting on our lives, we enable ourselves to become better people.

Suffering describes all the feelings in life we don’t like and would rather not experience.
Suffering is what we should avoid. Positive feelings is what we should seek out.
The decision is whether to approach something or avoid it.
The approach/avoidance behaviors aid our survival, they can also make us unhappy.
When we can’t attain the things we approach, desire or pursue, or when our desires cause us long-term suffering.
Sometimes,attaining goals can ultimately lead to suffering!

Reactions!Beware of your reactions. When someone strikes you with a dart that causes discomfort, don't through another "Dart of Rage" that causes you more harm.
"Do no harm" to yourself.
For example, if you’re anxious about the speech you have to give tomorrow, that feeling of anxiety can remain for hours – or even days – after you’ve delivered your speech and the source of the first dart has vanished!

The key to happiness lies in certain ways of thinking.
-Mindfulness is the state of complete awareness ;being mindful helps us to feel happy and more relaxed.
-Wholesome intentions, thinking about yourself as strong and powerful. Indeed, by actively thinking “I am strong, it’s good to be strong,
-Practicing composure helps us to control our emotions and reduces any unhealthy desires we may have. Composure is a circuit-breaker. Composure entails understanding how things make you feel, and realizing that your emotional feelings can be separated from your desires. A good example is success. Success makes us feel good, but an endless craving for it can cause us to feel dissatisfied, and even depressed

We suffer, for example, whenever we take things personally, or crave approval or affirmation from others.
Let go of this strong sense of self and immerse ourselves in the world without ego, we feel a sense of peace and fulfillment
However, a strong sense of self often comes in useful, and – through meditation – we can learn when to take things personally and when to step back from ourselves.
With a greater sense of empathy, one can become a more compassionate and loving person.

Action:
-Throughout your everyday life, try to be mindful
-Use mental imagery during interpersonal conflicts.

Adapted from "Buddha's Brain"  by Rick Hanson on Blinkis

http://blinki.st/fea8a39b1243?chapter=53eb4a6d36343300077e0000